


Pushing Daisies

by Kurgy



Series: This is Us [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Sexual Abuse, デュラララ!!×２ 承 | Durarara!!x2 Shou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurgy/pseuds/Kurgy
Summary: Roppi Orihara is a psychiatric patient being discharged from the hospitals psych ward after 8 years and being placed in the care of his older twin brother Izaya, exploring the city he's been shut away from for so long and meeting new possible friends Roppi works through the trauma of his admittance and the source of his emotional turmoil





	1. Discharged

He longed for this day to pass like any other, mundane activities accompanied by a boring schedule that kept his days regularly dull but active. This day would not pass him by so easily, today is the day he would be discharged from the hospitals care for the first time in eight years. Dr. Nagasaki thought he was ready to face the world again, but of course, not on his own. Not with his history. His brother, Izaya, had been coming to visit more than usual. Talking with the doctors and making a care plan for him as if he wasn't there. It was decided he would be released into Izaya's care as if he wasn't an adult capable of caring for himself, but in truth even he didn't know where he'd go or what he'd do if he were set free and left to his own devices. He wasn't thrilled with the situation, but really when was he ever?

"Orihara-kun."

Roppi looked up from his seat near the window overlooking the courtyard, staring blankly as Dr. Nagasaki stood in front of him.

"The staff is bagging your belongings and clearing your room, are you ready?" he asked calmly, meeting Roppi's gaze.

Roppi broke the eye contact to look back over the courtyard, watching the other patients go about their day enjoying the first sunny day they've had in a while.

He shrugged vaguely, noting the differences between his personal clothes and the patient uniform he once wore, his now oversized shirt and pants feeling strange and foreign on him. He wonders if his old jacket would make him feel the same way.

"Orihara-kun." the doctor said again.

Roppi reluctantly looked at him once more, trying to hold in his disgust for the mans presence. It wasn't that Roppi wanted to stay, he simply didn't want to leave either. He didn't want to do anything. But he knew he wouldn't get anywhere the way things are.

"Yes." he hissed. "I'm ready."

The doctor nodded. "Good."

He pulled a clipboard from behind his back, most likely looking over Roppi's charts one last time.

"Your brother should be here soon, we'll go over your care plan when he gets here, and you'll be free to go. Exciting, isn't it?"

Roppi was tempted to wretch before the good doctors very eyes. Exciting? Moving from one mundane waste of space to another? Nothing about this was exciting.

Roppi shrugged again, just wanting this conversation to be over. The doctor continued.

"We've set you up with a therapist as well as a psychologist to go over your medication with you every month and we'll be sure to tell your brother how important it is for you to attend every meeting, do you have any questions for me?"

Roppi hugged his knees to his chest tighter, struggling with the rise of disgust and anger at the mans every word. 

"No." He said sternly, refusing to look the doctor in the eyes as he watched aimlessly out the window. The doctor nodded.

"Good good. I'll leave you to it then."

He walked off, leaving Roppi to his thoughts. He hated the idea of living with Izaya again, but where else would he go? He couldn't put the burden of his existence on Mairu and Kururi. Being homeless didn't really bother him, but Izaya wouldn't allow it. So what else could he do? Izaya and his manic love for humanity drives him insane, it's pointless and ridiculous and only drives Izaya's own sanity into the ground, but Izaya was never one to listen to what Roppi thought on the matter. Polar opposites. Thats what they were, and they haven't gotten along since they were children.

Roppi shook his head. He didn't want to think about that. Digging up those memories would just hurt more.

He sat there for at least another hour while the staff brought his belongings down to him. There wasn't much to bring.

The doctor approached him once more chart in hand.

"Your brother is here." he said "I've spoken to him about your care plan already, so all thats left is for you to sign the discharge papers and you're free to go." he turned and motioned for Roppi to follow.

Roppi stood up, collecting the bags of his belongings at his feet and following behind the doctor silently. They passed the front desk and made their way into the lobby, Roppi's heart beating a mile a minute as they approached the fur jacket clad figure sitting casually on the hospital waiting bench.

"Orihara-san." the doctor said directing his attention to that face that looked so much like Roppi's own.

Izaya stood up, a calm smile on his face as his gaze met the doctos, pointedly ignoring Roppi's presence behind him.

"Good to see you again." Izaya said in that sing song way of his that always got under Roppi's skin. "Is everything ready?"

His cheery tone sounded fake and bitter, but Roppi's scowl went ignored as the doctor spoke. 

"All the forms are signed, appointments scheduled, and belongings have been retrieved. Everything is in order for discharge." the doctor said in an equally cheerful tone, making Roppi's skin crawl.

"Thats good to hear," Izaya said, eyes finally meeting Roppi's stare. "Ready to go?"

"I have to sign the discharge papers." he growled in response.

Izaya nodded. "Of course."

Roppi grunted in response, stepping out from behind the doctor and grabbing the pen from the doctors hand before being handed the clipboard with his discharge form sitting neatly on top.

Roppi signed quickly handing the clipboard and pen back over to the doctor before adjusting the bag on his shoulder.

Izaya smiled, bowing a little to the doctor and turning on his heel towards the front entrance. Roppi followed after him, his steps falling in tandem with his brothers.

"So long Orihara-kun." the doctor called after him, Roppi only shrugging in response.


	2. Welcome Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya and Roppi make their way back home

The walk to the subway was silent, Roppi watched his feat move but he felt deathly still, his heart beating loud in his ears. Izaya didn't look at him, and Roppi wouldn't look at him. This has been their rapport for years. Only recently had Izaya been visiting him, and even then most visits were silent. He couldn't see him, but he knew Izaya had that same damn false smile on his face. It made his skin prickle with anger.

As they approached the platform Izaya stopped, finally looking at Roppi as he stopped alongside him. He stared silently for a moment too long for Roppi's taste.

"What." he growled, eyes locking with Izaya's.

"It's been a while since you've been out in the city." he said, a serious tone taking hold of his voice.

"There's a lot you need to know to keep yourself safe."

Roppi scoffed. Safe? Since when did Izaya ever care about that?

"I'm serious." Izaya said sliding his hands into his pockets.

"Not serious enough to stand here on the subway platform and make a scene." Roppi sneered, never tearing his eyes away from Izaya's.

Izaya rolled his eyes. "Fine." he said. "When we arrive at my apartment then."

Izaya turned away from Roppi and stared at the empty tracks of the subway tunnel. Roppi did the same.

In reality it didn't take long for their subway to arrive, but the minutes of waiting in silence felt like an eternity. As the car rolled to a stop and the doors opened, Izaya grabbed Roppi's arm as not to lose him in the crowd, Roppi felt bile rise in his throat at the contact, but despite this didn't fight it. It was easier not to.

They made their way into the subway car, any open seats already taken forcing them to stand close, Izaya reaching his hand up to grasp the strap nearest to him.

"Grab on or you'll fall." Izaya said nonchalantly, not even glancing in Roppi's direction.

Roppi's retort was caught in his throat as the train began to move, the force knocking him off his feet.

Izaya's hand moved swiftly, catching Roppi's elbow to help steady him. That was it. He couldn't take it. 

"Stop _TOUCHING_ me!" he shouted, shoving Izaya with all his might.

Izaya looked startled, but said nothing. Roppi huffed in frustration, roughly running his fingers through his hair as he began to breathe heavily. Other passengers looked at them strangely.

"After everything am I supposed to just be ok!? To go back to whatever you view as normal!? Fuck you!" he yelled, more passengers began skirting around and them giving odd looks as the space around them grew.

"I was broken, I was _hurting_ and all you did was have me locked away! And thats just the _beginning_ of how much is fucked between us."

"This isn't the time Roppi." Izaya said sternly, making unwavering eye contact as Roppi's chest heaved up and down.

"Am I supposed to just forgive you after everything? You don't give a crap about me and you never have!" his throat felt horse and strained with every word.

" _Roppi._ " Izaya warned.

"And the worst part?" Roppi said, his voice growing quiet. "I always knew."

"Weren't you the one opposed to causing a scene?" Izaya sneered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Roppi looked up at him, then at the scared and surprised faces around him.

"Whatever." he muttered, turning his back to his brother. He couldn't stand to look at him anymore.

The rest of the ride was made in silence. Roppi new the fuse was lit the moment he saw Izaya waiting for him there in the hospital, but he hadn't thought it'd explode so soon. He thought he'd at least make it to Izaya's apartment before blowing up in his face. He hated all the eyes on him. Hated the weight they carried as they rode to Shinjuku.

Slowly the train came to a stop, the doors opening and people flooding out onto the platform, Izaya pointedly ignoring him as he walked passed, not making so much as a move in his direction as he left Roppi to follow on his own. Somehow even that pissed Roppi off. Regardless, he followed after his brother silently, choosing to walk behind him instead of beside him. He didn't have the stomach to see his brothers face after his little outburst.

Izaya walked faster than before, ducking in and out of the crowd paying no mind to if Roppi was still behind him or not. It took more effort than Roppi would like to admit to keep up with him.

Izaya stopped. "Do you want to walk or get a cab?" he said without turning around.

"Walk." Roppi muttered despite the burning in his weak muscles.

Izaya nodded, and began walking once again, still keeping up his quick pace to stay ahead of Roppi.

The busy streets made him feel claustrophobic, people bupping into him as if he weren't there at all, the buzz of noise from passing cars and conversations making him feel queasy. The over stimulation washing over every fiber of his being and making sickness settle in his stomach. He just wanted this journey to be over. To crawl into bed and forget about the world, even for just a few hours, in his sleep.

He's not sure how long the walk took, and he hadn't even realized they arrived at the apartment building before Izaya disappeared from his line of sight, its not like he's ever been there before, and Izaya didn't bother to stop him as he kept walking. It took a minute for him to realize Izaya had gone inside.

Roppi stepped inside as Izaya was conversing with the doorman. He couldn't hear what they were saying. He didn't care. He just wanted to get off his feet. He stood by the elevator for a few minutes until Izaya approached him, pressing the button he assumed was Izaya's floor. They entered the elevator together in silence. He would occasionally glance at Izaya, but he would just stare ahead paying Roppi no mind as the elevator ascended.

Finally they reached their floor, Izaya taking the lead as he walked towards the apartment door. He fiddled with his keys for a moment before opening the door, holding it open for Roppi to enter first.

"I rearranged the spare room for you. You should get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow. It's upstairs to the right." he said, closing the door behind him as he entered, flicking the lock back into place.

Roppi simply nodded, removing his shoes and heading upstairs. He made a beeline for the aforementioned room and opened the door, dropping his bags of belongings on the floor and flopping on the bed, not bothering to close the door as he curled into a ball. He lay there silently as his breathing evened out, slowing slipping in and out of consciousness, falling asleep and fading away from the reality of his situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! this chapter got a little emotional and thats only the tip of the iceberg, i dont have a beta reader so i apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes and i hope youll stick with me for chapter 3!


	3. The trek to Ikebukuro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enters Kadota

Roppi slowly blicked his eyes open, turning to lay on his back. He could see sunlight shining behind the window blinds, but had no idea what time it was. Definitely not morning. He groaned as he rose out of bed, noting the covers draped over him and immediately getting irritated Izaya had come in while he was sleeping. His bare feet touched the carpet gently as he got up, taking careful steps towards the door he knows he didn't close but sat closed anyway. The apartment was deathly quite, he wondered if Izaya was even home, but upon opening the door and stepping out, he discovered that wasn't the case as Izaya sat at his desk, the large window behind him revealing it to be around noon. Izaya typed away at whatever he was working on, not even glancing up as Roppi descended the stairs.

"Finally awake?" Izaya said, eyes glued to his computer.

"You were in my room." was all Roppi said in response.

"You left the door open." he said, still typing away.

"That's not an open invitation to creep around me while I sleep." Roppi growled.

Izaya stopped typing, finally looking up at Roppi standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"You were going to catch a cold. I just gave you a blanket." he said, mild irritation showing on his face.

"Don't pretend to give a damn." was all Roppi said as he continued his walk to where he assumed the kitchen was.

Izaya leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly not in the mood for Roppi's attitude.

"Can we not for just five minutes? I'm working." he sighed, shaking his head before he began typing once again. 

"Cups are in the cupboard to your left." he said noticing Roppi struggling with their whereabouts.

Roppi grunted in response as he pulled a glass from the cupboard, quickly filling it with water from the sink and taking large gulps. It was quiet for a moment as Roppi finished his drink, Izaya seeming to finish whatever it is that he was working on.

He stood up, walking over to the couch practically throwing himself down onto the cushions. Neither of them spoke. Roppi knew it wouldn't last long, remembering their conversation from yesterday. Izaya was going to tell him about the city as if he hadn't lived here his whole life.

"Mairu and Kururi will want to see you." he said suddenly, surprising Roppi a bit. "You should go see them."

Roppi placed the glass on the counter, simply listening as his brother spoke.

"I cancelled my meetings and gave my secretary the day off. School will be out soon, we should go see them." 

Roppi growled. " _We?_ "

"Yes." Izaya said, unfazed by Roppi's apparent anger. "You don't know the city-"

"I know the damn city!" Roppi shouted, cutting him off. He turned towards his brother aggressively. "I don't need you."

Izaya sighed, sitting up from his layed back position on the couch.

"It's dangerous. I'm not the most popular around Ikebukuro." He said settling his chin in his hand as he leaned back over the back of the couch.

"I'm not _you_." Roppi said walking towards the couch, standing over Izaya menacingly.

Izaya was not fazed.

"But _they_ don't know that. We're twins. Its not hard to mix us up." he said, simply stating the facts.

"I can go on my own. I don't _need_ you." Roppi was not going to back down, another little outing with Izaya was the last thing he wanted.

Izaya sighed again. "Look" he said. "I know you're angry about being admitted, but you were unstable."

" _I'm_ unstable?" Roppi's spat. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

Izaya glared.

"Yes." he said. "But all I saw was your face _brother_."

The color drained from Roppi's face.

"FUCK YOU!" he yelled, his entire body shacking.

He turned his back to Izaya, stomping towards the door and haphazardly slipping on his shoes.

"I'm going on my own." he hissed, opening the front door and slamming it shut behind him.

If Izaya responded Roppi didn't hear it as he practically ran towards the elevator. He just wanted to get out of here. Away from Izaya. He didn't care where he ended up as long as it was away from here.

He rode the elevator down absolutely seething, eye twitching in irritation as the elevator slowed to a stop at the ground floor. He exited in a hurry, the doorman trying to greet him as he passed but he paid the man no mind as he stepped out onto the street. He remembered where Raijin academy was, he could get there on his own, he didn't need Izaya holding his hand like he was a goddamn toddler. 

_________________

His walk to Ikebukuro could've been better. The subway ride wasn't bad, but the chill of autumn and his lack of jacket made baring the outside weather very unpleasant. He never liked the cold, but he didn't think to grab a jacket back at the apartment, he was, still is, fuming from his interaction with Izaya. Grabbing a jacket was the last thing on his mind. At least his overzied shirt provided him some warmth, despite how ridiculous it looked on him. He tucked as much of his hands as he could in the long sleeves and held his shoulders as a chill ran down his spine. He found himself getting a little turned around as he wandered Ikebukuro in search of Raijin academy. It was around 2 pm, he didn't want to miss Mairu and Kururi getting out of school, if he could avoid going to their family home, he would. He'd rather just catch them on their way out of the school gates.

He shivered as he rubbed his shoulders a little harder, as if he could will the chill away, before hearing a strange sound. A far off growl of anger. People seemed to be getting further and further away from him as he kept walking, a strange group of people watching him as they stood around a van, like they were expecting him to do something before one of them got a panicked expression his face.

"Izaya!" he shouted.

 _Great._ Roppi thought. _One of Izaya's friends. Or enemies. Probably enemies._

He tried to look away from the man as he continued walking, but the stranger suddenly broke into a sprint directly towards him and he panicked, stopping dead in his tracks.

" _Izaya get DOWN!_ " he screamed before tackling Roppi to the ground.

Roppi was frozen in fear, staring up at the stranger in pure confusion and terror.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a large metal trashcan came flying above them, crashing to the ground a mere 10 ft away. Roppi stared at it wide eyed. What the fuck was going on? He was terrified.

"Are you insane!? Were you just going to let it hit you!?" the strange man yelled, pining him to the ground.

Roppi began to breathe heavily, he couldn't respond, his voice was gone as fear consumed him.

"The hells the matter with you!?" the stranger yelled again, snapping his head up when another shreik of anger rang through the air, much closer this time.

"Come on!" the man shouted grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him up to his feet. "I'm not gonna be a bystander to a murder." he said grabbing Roppi by the wrist and dragging him over to the van with the other strangers watching him.

 _no_ he thought. _no no no no_

He started to struggle against the mans hold, but he was weak, he clawed at the mans hand but he wouldn't let go and before he knew it he was shoved into the back of the van.

"Saburo!" he shouted to the man in the drivers seat before closing the door in Roppi's face, the other two strangers getting in along side him. "We gotta go, _now_."

the man got in the passengers seat and before he knew it they were speeding off down the road. Terror could not even describe the raw fear Roppi felt, looking between the other two strangers sitting in the back with him. They stared at each other curiously, the woman in black turning to him with concern on her face.

"Are you ok Iza-Iza?" she said tilting her head in confusion.

Roppi's eyes grew wide. _They think I'm Izaya they think I'm Izaya they think I'm Izaya_

he opened his mouth and croaked in response, his throat felt welded shut, it was all he could do.

Suddenly the man in the hat that tackled him turned around to look at him, Roppi shut his mouth instantly. 

"Since when do you _let_ Shizuo almost kill you?" he said, sounding frustrated. "Whatever you do to each other is your business, but don't get everyone around you involved in a possible _murder_ ".

He turned back around in his seat and took a huge breathe of relief now that they were out of danger.

 _Shizuo?_ he thought. The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it. Obviously it was someone who didn't exactly get along with his brother. The man turned back around.

"Are you gonna say anything? We could've had our heads taken clean off back there." he raised an eyebrow at him as he spoke, looking him up and down.

Roppi gulped, trying to find the words to possibly explain this, these people fully believed he was Izaya. He had to convince them otherwise, or they might not let him go. He swallowed his fear and looked the man in the eyes.

"I'm not. I'm, I mean.." his whole body felt ice cold. "I'm not..Izaya.." he finally managed to say.

Everyone raised their eyebrows at him.

"Don't fuck with me Izaya." the man in the hat said.

Roppi shook his head quickly. "I'm not." he said hurriedly.

The woman looked at the man next to her before leaning closer to Roppi. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

"You're serious?" she said skeptically.

"I am." he said trying to reassure her.

"Saburo pull over." the man in the hat told the driver.

They pulled over to the side of the road and everyone looked at Roppi, some confused, some skeptical.

"What's your game Izaya? What are you getting out of this?" the man said, his face serious.

"Nothing! I mean, I don't know who you people _are_." Roppi said, his voice sounding rough and panicked.

"I think he's serious Dotachin." the woman said, turning to the man now known as Dotachin.

The man huffed, crossing his arms.

"What are you supposed to be his twin or something?" he said sarcastically.

Roppi swallowed. "...yes?"

Everyone stopped, looking directly at him insurprise once more.

"You're pulling our legs." the man next the woman said.

"I'm not!" Roppi said desperately, scooting his body as far away from these people as possible.

The man called Dotachin stared at him, trying to assess whether he was lying or not, his face suddenly dropping in surprise.

"You...you really aren't him." he said more as a statment than a question, Roppi nodded.

"Holy shit." the driver, Saburo, said. " _Holy shit._ "

The woman looked at him curiously, scooting closer to him. "Who are you then?" she asked.

"My names...Roppi...Orihara.." he answered back, uncomfortable with how close she is.

"I've known Izaya since _high school_." Dotachin said. "How could I not know he has a _twin brother_."

"Good to know Izaya talks about me." Roppi said quietly, looking down at his hands.

Dotachin looked him in the eyes. "You're really not him?"

Roppi nodded again. "If you know him call him!" he said. "He'll tell you."

He wasn't expecting the man to actually do it, but he pulled out his cellphone and began dialing. It rang a few times before Izaya picked up.

_"Hello? Dotachin?"_

The man almost dropped his phone.

"Izaya." he said. "You have a _brother_?"

The man turned back around and stared at him wide eyed. Color began to rise in Roppi's cheeks at the direct eye contact, he felt a bit sheepish.

 _"What?"_ He heard Izaya say over then phone. _"What happened to him?"_

"Nothing, I mean, well, Shizuo almost took him out with a garbage can." Dotachin stuttered in reply

Izaya groaned.

"He's safe!" the man said suddenly. "I got to him just in time."

 _"I'm sorry to ask, but could you bring him back to Shinjuku? I'll gladly pay you for the trouble."_ Izaya said, causing Roppi to roll his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, sure." the man said. "Don't worry about it."

And just like that Izaya hung up, Dotachin cursing in response. He turned to Roppi once more.

"Look, sorry for not believing you, its just...not something I was expecting." he said shyly.

Roppi shook his head. "Its fine." he said.

The woman looked at him excitedly as Dotachin spoke to the Saburo.

"I'm Erika!" she said smiling. "And this is Yumatchi!" she gestured to the man beside her.

"Hey there!" he said, raising a hand in greeting.

Roppi nodded in response.

"Uh, I'm Togusa Saburo." the driver said as he started the engine. "Nice to meet you."

"You too I guess." Roppi responded shyly. "and you're..Dotachin?" he said turning towards the other man.

The mans eyes widened. "Thats not my name!" he shouted, causing Roppi to jump slightly.

"Sorry." he said nervously. "My name is Kadota Kyouhei."

"Ok...Kadota-san." Roppi said quietly.

"Just Kadota is fine." the man said, smiling. "It's nice to me you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I wasnt expecting to get this done so soon, I hope you enjoyed it! again, i dont have a beta reader, so i apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes, i hope you stick with me for chapter 4!


	4. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roppi reunites with his little sisters

The ride back to Shinjuku was anything but silent. Roppi was bombarded with questions from almost everyone in the van. Where had he been all this time? How come Izaya had never mentioned him before? Are he and Izaya alike? What does he do for fun? What was he doing in Ikebukuro? Did he like manga? The questions went on, Roppi trying to keep back the bile sitting restlessly at the back of his throat at having to socialize with complete strangers. He couldn't help noticing Kadota's sneaking glances in his direction, he wasn't sure what they meant. The questions kept coming. He tried to explain he'd been hospitalized without revealing too much about himself to these perfect strangers. He couldn't keep up with Erika and Yumasaki's energy, just being around them made him tired. He couldn't possibly explain why he considered his interactions with others to be absolutely vile.

He thought of Mairu and Kururi. It was well passed 5 pm, they'd have already gone home he was sure, he'd have to try again tomorrow, he refused to go back to his childhood home. Not after everything thats happened. He hoped they'd understand.

"Hey," Kadota said, finally looking at him fully. "What _were_ you doing wandering around Ikebukuro?"

"I was going to meet my sisters at Raijin." he answered back.

"Oh, its actually called Raira now." Kadota said. "You really have been gone a while, huh?"

Roppi nodded.

"I'll have to try again tomorrow." he said honestly.

Kadota looked at him for a moment, then leaned over and whispered something to Saburo, turning back to Roppi after a few moments.

"Do you want a ride?" he asked.

Roppi's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"If you run into Shizuo on your own he'll probably kill you, no joke." Kadota scratched the back of his head nervously. "It'd be easier if we just gave you a ride."

Roppi consider this. He'd he lying if he said an easy out via Shizuo wasn't appealing, to just get away from it all without having to do any of the work. He tried to shake the thoughts from his head. Izaya would scold him for such thoughts, and even the imaginary scolding had him groaning in frustration. "No". he said.

"It's ok. I can do it on my own." he tried to sound confident. He wasn't sure if it was working.

Kadota's face dropped a little. Roppi wasn't sure why.

"If you say so." Kadota said, turning back around in his seat.

The rest of the ride consisted of Erika and Yumasaki going on about some manga series Roppi really had no interest in, honestly he wasn't even part of the conversation anymore. Kadota remained quiet for the most part, chiming in now and then to correct Erika for calling him Dotachin. He hated this. Being around people. It was so alienating. It was getting hard for him to hide it. The two otakus yammering on while Saburo went on and on about some pop idol. So much pointless chatter. So much noise and over stimulation. It made him sick. He just wanted this day to be over.

When they arrived in Shinjuku, he wondered how Izaya would scold him for this little adventure. Not that he cares what Izaya thinks, but the argument that would surely ensue would certainly be annoying. The two otaku's were still going on about some anime he'd never heard of and it took every ounce of his self restraint not to silence them, curse them all and just make a break for it. But he just. Didn't. He let those disgusting feels fester in his chest as his breathing became erratic. Miraculously, Kadota seemed to sense the mood, turning around in his seat. "Erika, Walker."

The two stopped their overly excited conversation to look at the man.

"Give it a rest, you're stressing him out." Kadota said, turning back around in his seat. Roppi was surprised, people don't usually catch on to how exhausting socializing was for him. Regardless, the two apologized and kept their conversation quiet between the two of them for the reat of the ride.

The van rolled up outside Izaya's apartment building shortly after, the two otaku's pulling the door open and ushering Roppi out. Kadota rolled down the passenger side window. "It was nice to meet you." he said calmly, acting cool and aloof, but there was a strain in his movements Roppi couldn't understand.

Roppi scrunched up his nose on instinct, causing Kadota to widen his eyes a bit.

"Well I thought it was nice at least." he said.

"According to you we almost died." he said frankly, not the best circumstances Roppi thought.

"Well you've got me there." Kadota said, chuckling a little. "Still it was nice to meet you."

"Uh, sure." Roppi responded. "Thanks for the ride." he was sincere about that at least, trying to keep up some appearances as not to appear rude. Part of him tried to convince him it didn't matter, but the ingrained politeness overpowered the urge to brush them all off.

"See you around." Kadota said before rolling the window back up, the van slowly pulling away and driving off. Roppi wondered if he would see them again, he wasn't sure if it'd be a good or bad thing, most of them were rather irritating. Still, they weren't the worst company to keep he supposed.

"Roppi." came a voice from behind him. Roppi groaned in frustration. He turned around to come face to face with Izaya.

"I hate to say I told you so," he said. "But how did your day without needing me go?" He gave a sarcastic smile that made Roppi's skin prickle with anger.

"Fuck off." he said, brushing past Izaya and into the building. He didn't need Izaya's smug attitude right now.

"I tried to tell you." Izaya said. "There are people in that city that want me dead, and walking around with that face without any kind of protection is going to get you killed in my place."

Roppi scoffed. "Your dream come true then? Wouldn't have to worry about your 'unstable' little brother anymore huh?" he didn't know why it hurt to say that out loud considering its what he'd been thinking of for the past 8 years. Izaya scowled.

"Don't say that." he said seriously. If Roppi didn't know any better he might think Izaya actually gave a damn. But he knew better.

"I'm done talking." Roppi said. "Lets just go."

Izaya sighed. "Fine." he walked inside as well, heading to the elevator and pressing the button. Roppi stood behind him, still hugging his shoulders from the cold. It was a matter of minutes before they were back inside the apartment, Roppi removing his shoes and heading upstairs.

"You need to eat something." Izaya called after him. "And take your meds."

Roppi stopped about halfway up the stairs. "No." he responded, continuing his trek upstairs.

"It's been almost two days." Izaya said, stopping at the foot of the stairs. "Your medications are important." Roppi ignored him as he reached the top of the stairs, turning and heading towards his room. "I said you _need_ to eat something." Izaya said, clearly annoyed.

Roppi growled in frustration as he reached the door of his room. "And _I_ said _no_!" he shouted before slamming his bedroom door shut behind him, this time being sure to turn the lock. He was so frustrated he wanted to screaming. Being pushed around by Izaya, missing Mairu and Kururi, some lunatic trying to kill him for whatever it is Izaya did to him, and being forced into some shady van just to be delivered back to Izaya like some lost child left him furious and exhausted. He needed an outlet. He sat down on the bed, rolling up his sleeve and looking at the battered, scarred skin that made up his forearm. He pressed his nails against the uneven skin, digging in hard enough to draw blood. He didn't feel anything, but seeing the red dots bubble up under his nails gave him a sense of relief. The more marks he made, the more relief he felt, until the guilt hit him that is. He would surely be scolded for this once Izaya found out, but for now he simply didn't care. He stared at his arm as the thin curved lines bubbled with blood. Why was he like this? Why did he _have_ to be like this? He shook his head, trying to will the self pity away. He stood up from the bed and walked over to one of the bags of his belongings he brought from the hospital sitting on the floor, digging out and oversized T-shirt and boxers, quickly discarding his clothes and replacing them just as quickly. He crawled into bed, tucking himself under the soft warmth of the blankets and shut his eyes, not bothering to care for the superficial cuts on his arm. Sleeping didn't come nearly as easy as it had the night before. When he did manage to sleep, it was restless and full of nightmares, waking up every 10 minutes in a cold sweat, watching the digital clock in between sleeping. This was looking to be a long night.

_____________

He awoke to the sound of clicking heels walking down the hallway. Roppi wasn't sure when he fell asleep for good, but he still felt tired. He sat up, glancing at the clock. 1 pm. He didn't sleep through catching Mairu and Kururi at least. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, standing up and stretching his sore muscles, noticing the smeared dried blood on his arm, but disregarding it. He began undressing, grabbing his clothes from the day before and wrestling them on, he didn't feel like grabbing clean clothes. Or showering. He knew Izaya would force him to eventually, but for now he was skipping out on the whole process. He opened the door and walked down the hallway to the bathroom, brushing his teeth as quickly as possible before spitting minty foam into the sink, gargling a small cup of water before spitting that out as well. He tried his best not to look in the mirror. He knew he wouldn't like what he saw. He left the bathroom and looked out over the the rails of the stair way, watching an unfamiliar woman walk in and out of the kitchen as Izaya was caught up in a phone call.

Roppi slowly walked down the stairs, ignoring Izaya by the large window overlooking the city and instead watching the woman cooking up something in the kitchen. He walked in curiously before the woman saw him, giving him an awful sneer. "You really do look just like him." she said, it clearly wasn't meant to be a compliment.

"Not by choice." Roppi muttered in reply, turning on his heel and heading towards the living room instead, taking a careful seat on the couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on the tv, trying to ignore the hostile woman walking around the apartment.

Izaya said his goodbyes over the phone and placed his cellphone on the desk, walking over to where Roppi sat on the couch and taking a seat next to him, folding his feet underneath him as he sat cross legged. They were silent for a while as the unfamiliar woman continued various chores around the apartment before it became clear Izaya wasn't going to introduce her until Roppi asked.

"Who is she?" he asked finally, irritation rising in his chest, as he watched her. Something about the woman just stressed him out.

"Yagiri Namie." he said grabbing the remote from Roppi's hand, flipping through chanels. "She's my secretary."

Roppi glanced over at her as she continued working in the kitchen. "What is she doing?"

"Cooking you a meal." Izaya said, finally settling on a game show and placing the remote down between them.

"I'm not hungry." Roppi said turning his attention back to the tv. He wasn't in the mood to argue with Izaya again, he had to leave soon anyway if he wanted to meet up with Mairu and Kururi. Izaya shook his head.

"I don't care. You're going to eat something." he said, eyes never leaving the tv.

Roppi growled. "I said I'm not hungry."

"That would be the eating disorder talking." Izaya said nonchalantly.

Roppi bristled with anger. "Fuck you." he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What a happy family." Namie sneered. "Foods ready."

"Eat something. I don't care what, I don't care how much, just eat, and once you're done, take your meds." Izaya said, eyes still on the tv. Roppi huffed in frustration. Izaya was right of course, he _always_ had to be right. There was no point in digging his heels in when Izaya would win this fight no matter what, so what's the point of trying?

"Fine." Roppi said, standing. "I'll eat a little."

"Good." Izaya replied. "You'll want to hurry if you still want to catch Mairu and Kururi."

He didn't remember telling Izaya he'd be going out again today, but of course he knows. He knows everything. Roppi muttered under his breath as he sat down at the kitchen table, feeling the weight of this Namie womans eyes on him as she set a plate eggs, rice and a bowl of miso in front of him. He picked at the rice, never touching the eggs, only choosing to finish the miso soup in front of him. The food tasted bland. He picked a bit more at his rice before deciding he was done with it. He stood, muttering a thanks but Namie didn't seem to care as she went about her business. She didn't seem to want anything to do with him, and he was just fine with that. He poured himself a glass of water, noticing his pill bottles sitting neatly on the kitchen counter. Izaya seems to have gone through Roppi's stuff. He growled to himself as he decided to lock his belongings up later, opening the bottles, being sure to pour out one of each before throwing them in his mouth and downing them with the glass of water.

"I'm going now." Roppi said leaving the kitchen and heading for the front door, sitting down in the entryway and grabbing his shoes.

"Right right." Izaya said, standing from his seat on the couch. "I'll be right behind you."

"I don't need you." Roppi said slipping on his shoes. "I got a little mixed up yesterday. It won't happen again." he tied his laces waiting for the inevitable argument, but it never came.

"Fine." Izaya said, sitting back down, turning his full attention back to the tv. Roppi whipped his head around, surprise evident on his face. Namie watched curiously from the second floor, although her face betrayed her she was just as surprised as Roppi.

Roppi stood up in the doorway, staring at Izaya. "You're letting me go?" he said incredulously. Izaya nodded. "What's the catch?"

"No catch." Izaya said, resting his elbows on the back of the couch. "Have fun."

"Yesterday you lectured me for going into the city alone." Roppi said flatly.

Izaya nodded. "It's different now. You can go, I wont stop you." he uncrossed his legs and slumped against the couch. "Oh." he said. "Before you go, take a cellphone from the top drawer on the left side of my desk." Roppi didn't understand what it was that changed, he simply did as he was told and walked over towards the desk, opening the drawer finding dozens of cellphones. He decided he didn't even want to ask.

"Just text me when you're on your way back." Izaya said before chuckling at the antics of the game show host on tv. Roppi was speechless, simply nodding and pocketing the phone into his jeans. He should be grateful for dodging another potential argument, but this just felt weird. Whatever it was that changed while Roppi slept must have been significant to make Izaya just let him do something without turning it into a fight, but this just made Roppi feel uneasy, and he wanted out of here as soon as possible.

Roppi opened the front door, the sudden change in his brothers attitude making him uncomfortable, deciding this was a problem to deal with later. All he wanted now was to make it to Ikebukuro before school let out.

___________

Roppi wandered the streets, the way to the school coming back to him in strides as he dodged groups of people on the sidewalk. The uncomfortable feeling of Izaya's compliance still sitting in his chest. Occasionally he'd pull out the cellphone Izaya gifted him to check the time, quickly pocketing it before getting to distracted by the device. He'd never used a cellphone before, it was strange, but regardless, he had a mission. He was set on seeing his sisters today, he assumed, well, hoped Izaya had told them of his discharge from the hospital, but it was always a gamble when it came to Izaya and sharing information for free. Best case scenario they'd be glad to see him, worst case scenario they'd mistake him for Izaya and bolt. Either way he'd see them he supposed, and thats really all he wanted. He briefly wondered what he'd do with the rest of his day, or what he'd do with his life after he achieved this one goal. He shuddered. He didn't want to think about that, so he just continued walking, wearily glancing around for anyone that might attack him after yesterdays debacle, but nothing ever came. Which was good he guessed, nothing to get in his way.

As he came upon the school gate he was flooded woth nostalgia, he never got to finish highschool, but still, seeing the familiar building made him feel like he was really back. School hadn't gotten out yet thankfully, so he leaned against the wall as he waited, pondering how his reunion with his sisters would go. He wasn't exactly immersed in his thoughts, and the longer he waited the more unfocused he became, slowly beginning to dissociate as he stood there, his vision focusing and unfocusing as his mind went blank, he didn't even notice the man that walked up beside him, or notice even when he called his name. Only when the man touched his shoulder did he jump back into reality, startled by the sudden physical contact grounding him back into the world around him.

"Roppi?" the man said, slight concern lacing his words.

Roppi focused first on the hand touching his shoulder, watching as it moved back down to the mans side and slide into his pocket. He looked up at the mans face. "Kadota?"

He smiled. "Yeah. For a second there I thought you didn't recognize me." He chuckled as he spoke, turning and leaning against the wall of the school gate beside Roppi.

Roppi turned his gaze from Kadota and focused on his feet on the ground. "I just saw you yesterday." he said. "I wouldn't forget so soon."

"Yeah I guess thats true." Kadota said.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, watching as people passed by as the ring of the school bell drew ever closer. He wasn't sure what Kadota was doing here, and he didn't appear to be in any sort of rush, or accompanied by his companions from yesterday. He glanced at the man beside him a few times, but remained quiet. Strangely it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, just unusual.

"So." Kadota started suddenly. "You didn't say much yesterday, but where have you been all this time? I've known Izaya since highschool, and somehow never knew he had a twin brother." he turned to look at Roppi. "It's just sort of weird, you know? That he wouldn't mention you after all these years, then again he's always been pretty secretive."

Kadota trailed off as Roppi scowled. He really didn't want to disclose his entire life to a perfect stranger, but he felt that these questions would keep coming regardless of his wants. Still, he supposed Kadota wasn't the worst person to talk to. He'd reserve judgment on the man for now, and certainly wouldn't give all the details that he wants, but maybe enough to keep him off his back.

Roppi cleared his throat to gain Kadota's attention. "I was sick." _I'm still sick_ he thought. "I was hospitalized for a while. I never went to highschool. Who knows why Izaya wouldn't talk about me." _its because he's ashamed of you_.

"Oh." Kadota said. "I'm sorry to hear that. You must be feeling better now that you're here now, right?"

Roppi flinched, but before he could respond the school bell rang throughout the air, a teacher coming and opening up the school gate. Roppi sighed in relief, glad he had an out. Before long the school entrance was bustling with students eager to make their way home. Roppi moved from his place near the entrance and made his way to a visible spot to the oncoming students, Kadota watching him curiously still leaning against the wall. People gave him strange looks, but ultimately left him be. Before long he saw her, telltale braids giving her away. Mairu, Kururi walking beside her as Mairu spoke excitedly to her sister. For a minute Roppi wasn't sure what to do. Call out to them? Wave them down? What if they weren't happy to see him? He stood there motionlessly in the crowd of exiting students, anxiety and panic paralyzing him. He saw Kadota moving out of the corner of his eye, but remained still, feeling a sudden fear of talking to his little sisters again. Like Izaya, they hadn't come to visit him much at the hospital, he tried not to hold it against them, they were so young when he was admitted.

"Hey!" Kadota suddenly shouted as he stood beside Roppi once more, hand in the air in greeting as they got strange looks from the horde of students, Mairu and Kururi included.

There eyes widen when they saw Roppi. At first Mairus brows furrowed in frustration as she marched through the crowd, but she stopped just five feet away, eyes widening once more as Kururi caught up to her. She took a step forward. "Ro-nii?"

Roppi swallowed the lump in his throat, nodding slowly as the girls stared at him. Mairu stepped in front of him, gazing up at him with glossy eyes, before suddenly wrapping her arms around him and squeezing as tightly as she could, Kururi joining in the embrace as fast as she could.

"We thought you'd never come back." Mairu said tearfully, gazing up at him again as she smiled.

Roppi cleared his throat. "Izaya...didn't tell you I was being released?"

"Iza-nii..said nothing.." Kururi muttered into his chest.

Mairu released her hold on him as she wiped her eyes furiously, urging Kururi to release him as well. "We're so happy to see you!" she said happily "You're lucky I recognized you! I was about to clobber you! Absolutely _obliterate_ you where you stand!" 

"Well I guess I got lucky" Roppi chuckled.

"Anyway whats Dotachin doing here?" Mairu said peering at Kadota.

Kadota bristled. "Don't call me that."

Mairu giggled as she circled Roppi a few times, examining him up and down, stopping in front of him and poking his stomach. "You've lost so much weight, we gotta fatten you up!" she said excited, linking her arm with her sisters.

"I'm meeting Saburo and the others a russia sushi soon." Kadota chimed in, smiling at the three of them nervously. "We could all go get some food. You know, if you want to that is."

"Yes!" Mairu and Kururi said in unison.

Roppi wasn't too sure, on one hand his stomach felt empty, but on the other the thought of food made him queasy. He already ate, well sort of anyway, back at Izaya's. He wasn't sure he could handle much more than that, but the gleeful looks on Mairu and Kururi's face made it impossible to say no. "Sure." he said, trying not to sound too dissatisfied with the idea. Mairu clapped her hands in glee.

"We could head over right now." Kadota said, a sudden spring in his step. "We might even beat the others there."

"You'll love it Ro-nii! The food is surprisingly adequate." Mairu said as cheerfully, it didn't sound like much of a compliment to Roppi.

They began their journey together, Kadota and the girls having a pleasant talk beside him. Roppi didn't feel like he was part of the conversation, everyone seemed to be talking around him, like he was only half there. He tried not to let it bother him. Before he knew it his arms were entangled in his sisters as they lead him away from the school gate, Kadota following close behind as the girls spoke about their day, their exploits at school, and how boring their teachers were. Roppi remained mostly silent, just letting the girls talk at him, it was easier than trying to contribute. His contributions wouldn't add anything substantial to the conversation anyway. The whole walk he could feel Kadota's silent stare at the back of his head, heat rising in his cheeks with each step. He wasnt sure how long he could stand this.

___________

There was nothing remarkable about this 'russia sushi' place besides its name, and even that was lackluster at best, and it didn't help that both the men working there kept giving him odd looks. Everyone was seated at a table in the back of the establishment, waiting for their food as the larger of the two men served them their drinks, Roppi choosing a simple glass of water that the man handed him with a frown on his face. Erika and Walker seemed to recognize Roppi immediately when they met up, being far too excited to see him than Roppi would prefer. Saburo was a bit more chill about it, offering a professional handshake that Roppi declined. He seemed a little put off by this, but didn't push it, which Roppi appreciated. The table was full of idle chatter and cheerful smiles that Roppi didn't participate in, sitting with Mairu and one side and Kururi on the other, Kadota sitting across from him all talking and laughing around him while he sat circling his finger around his glass. He really wasn't the best at socializing.

"So!" Mairu said sitting her chin in her hands. "How do you guys know Ro-nii?"

"We ran into him yesterday!" Erika said. "Literally. Dotachin tackled him right to the ground."

Kadota sputtered but before he could say anything Mairu cut him off.

"What!? Why?" she shouted Kadota in confusion.

"I thought he was Izaya!" he said raising his hands up in defense.

"That doesn't answer why you _tackled_ him!" Mairu said, leaning over the table at Kadota.

"Shizuo was about to take him out with a trashcan! I couldn't let someone die right in front of me! Especially Roppi!" Kadota smacked a hand over his mouth. 

Erika and Walker burst into laughter. Roppi's face went red.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Kadota shouted. "I meant I couldn't let an innocent person get killed!"

Erika and Walker cackled as Kadota tried to explain himself, Mairu joining in as Saburo took careful sips from his soda. Roppi couldn't be any more embarrassed than he was right now, he definitely hadn't expected his day to go in this direction. Their laughter was interrupted by the large russian man who served their drinks, back with the platefuls of food they'd ordered, giving Roppi a strange look that only made his embarrassment worse.

Everyone seemed to ditch the previous conversation in favor of the now served food much to Roppi's, and probably Kadota's, relief. Everyone reaching for the sushi and taking delighted bites as Roppi sat an watched. He glanced at the food which was just as unremarkable as the restaurant, his stomach lurching at the smell of it, luckily no one seemed to concerned with his lack of participation, Mairu and Kururi possible already knowing of his dysfunctional relationship with food. 

"Hey," Kadota said across from him. "Aren't you going to eat? We ordered a lot since we didn't know what you liked."

Roppi's face dropped. "Oh." he said. "Right."

He reached across the table, plucking a piece of nigiri off the plate and lifting it to his lips, taking a careful bite. It tasted awful, the fleshy texture almost making him gag, still, he held it together, swallowing the bite. It felt like an iron ball sliding down his throat this time fully triggering his gag reflex. He stood up suddenly, startling everyone at the tabke as he rushed away, walking as fast as he could past the bar and out the door, nearly collapsing on the sidewalk as he vomited what little food was in his system, the sting of bile at the back of his throat and tongue. He wasn't expecting the hand on his shoulder and another rubbing small circles against his back as he regained his senses.

"Woah, man are you alright?" Kadota said, more concern in his words than Roppi would've expected from anyone.

Roppi nodded, although it was an obvious lie. Kadota kept rubbing his back in a comforting manner, but it was making Roppi's skin crawl uncomfortably. " _Please_ stop that." Roppi hissed, rising to his feet.

Kadota removed his hands instantly. "Sorry."

Roppi shook his head. "Its fine..I'm, I'm fine."

Kadota gave him a stern look, calling him out with nothing but an expression, Roppi looked away from the man. He got enough disappointed looks from Izaya, he didn't need any from someone who was an acquaintance at best.

"Ro-nii are you okay?" came Mairu's worried voice from the restaurants entrance. Roppi looked towards her, nodding his head before turning back to Kadota.

"We should go back." he said, trying to regain his composure, before Kadota placed another hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know if it was the food that made you sick or not, but you don't have to eat it if you don't want to. No one will force you, and I can make sure none of the others bother you about it, ok?" Kadota said reassuringly before removing his hand.

Roppi gazed at him, feeling that same heat rising in his cheeks from early. He turned away from the man shyly, clearing his throat to hopefully distract the man from his obvious embarrassment. "Thanks." he said. "I appreciate it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i dont have a beta and wrote most of this from my phone so please forgive any misspellings or grammar mistakes, i hope you enjoyed the chapter and stick with me for the next one!


	5. Out and About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roppi and his sisters meet up with Kadota and gang for a nice dinner

Kadota was truthful about the others not bothering him. No one said a word about his little episode or refusal to eat. Their cheerful conversation going on around him, only engaging him if necessary, or the rare occasion he actually had something to add. Mairu and Kururi talking excitedly to Erika.

"So let me get this straight, all four Orihara's are half a set of twins? How is that possible! The chances of having two sets of twins is one in a million!" Erika said, smile never leaving her face.

"That didn't stop our genetic makeup!" Mairu proclaimed, setting her hands on her hips proudly. "Right Kururi?"

"Unstoppable." Kururi muttered in that apathetic way of hers that Roppi never realized he missed.

Erika nodded enthusiastically. "So." she said, directing her attention to Roppi. "Between you and Iza-iza, who's older?"

Roppi's face scrunched in distaste. "Why does that matter? We're twins."

"Its Iza-nii." Mairu interjected. "He's a full minite older."

Erika laughed. Roppi groaned.

"You know the more I look at you." Walker started. "I start noticing differences." He leaned over the table with a thoughtful expression.

"Eh? Really?" Erika said squinting in Roppi's direction.

"Yeah!" Walker said. "Your hairs a little longer, you're skinnier, and you got those bags under your eyes!"

Roppi flinched, Kadota eyed them nervously. Roppi's shoulders tensing as the two examined him up and down, Saburo quietly drinking his beer doing his best to stay out of the conversation.

"Your eyes too!" Erika said excitedly. "They're lighter than Iza-iza's. I guess you're not completely identical, pretty close though." She laughed.

"Anyway," Kadota interjected, trying to push the topic of Izaya and whatever likeness Roppi has to him. "Do you plan on staying in Ikebukuro?" he said, a smile on his face.

"Uh, I mean, I guess. Technically I live with." he paused, scrunching his face a bit as he thought of Izaya. "Technically I live with Izaya in Shinjuku."

"Ah." Kadota said, shaking his head in understanding. "Well you know you're always welcome to hang with us when you want. If you can put up with these two that is." He said jerking a thumb towards Erika and Walker.

"HEY." they said in unison before breaking out into laughter.

Despite himself Roppi felt a small smile pulling at his lips. A rare occurence, the inkling of warmth in his chest even more rare. "Thanks." he said.

Just then he felt the phone Izaya had given him buzz in his pocket. And pulled it out seeing the message notification, he swiped at the screen while the conversation went on without him, fumbling with the phone a bit as it'd been years since he held a cellphone. He tapped the message as the screen illuminated.

_'Where are you?"_

Roppi grimaced at the sender.

He forgot Izaya had asked him to text him. He slouched in his seat as he stared at the small screen, that same emptiness he'd always had replacing the temporary warmth in his chest. He glanced around the table, the smiles and laughter seeming hollow as he began to dissociate, time seeming to slow as he looked back down at his phone. He had to respond, he knew he did, but his arms felt like lead. Still, he liftend his hand clumsily typed out a response.

 _"Russia Sushi."_ he hit send. Staring down at the device waiting for the inevitable response. Even _texting_ Izaya felt exhausting.

 _"Hurry back."_ was the curt response, Roppi sighing in relief a bit knowing he didn't have to explain himself, for now at least.

Everyone seemed to be having fun, but he knew he'd catch shit from Izaya if he stayed out too long, and that was a lecture he just didn't have the energy to deal with. He pocketed the phone and continued sipping at his water, no one seemed to notice his depressive mood change, which is probably for the best. He didn't want bring down the mood.he waited as the conversation drove on, waiting for an open opportunity to excuse himself from their little outing, but there didn't seem to be a break in the steady flow of high energy. He checked the time. 8 pm. It would be irresponsible of him to keep Mairu and Kururi out so late knowing they have school in the morning, that was the excuse he decided to feed them with that is.

He loudly cleared his throat, Erika and Walker ceasing their excited talking as all eyes fell on him, he felt the weight of their stares on him as his breathing quickened.

"I should take my sisters home." he said, mouth feeling dry. "Its getting late."

"Oh." Kadota said, checking his phone. "I didn't realize it'd gotten so late. Sorry about that."

He shook his head while the twins groaned in disappointment. "It's alright. But I should get them home."

"Nonsense!" Erika interjected. "You'll catch a ride with us! Right Dotachin?"

"Hey wait a minute, I don't have enough room in my car for that!" Saburo said, raising his voice a little.

"We cant just leave them hanging. Roppi lives in Shinjuku, remember? We shouldn't make him walk that far." Kadota said, turning to Roppi with a smile. "I'm sure theres room."

"We can all squeeze in, like sardines!" Erika said clapping her hands together excitedly.

Roppi tried to calm himself, being crowded together with so many people was just about the last thing he wanted, but he found it hard to refuse them. No one seemed to notice his discomfort, which wasn't a surprise, no one ever seemed to notice his feelings on anything, he simply nodded his head in agreement as Kadota called over their large server to pay the bill. He felt a bit bad that he couldn't contribute in paying, but its not like Izaya had given him any spending money, and he'd rather die that ask for it. Still, Kadota didn't seem to mind paying the bill, so he tried to push the guilt from his mind. The others collected their things and just like that they were leaving the establishment, the two workers still watching him with judging eyes, he tried not to look at them.

Mairu and Kururi linked their arms him his on both sides, still talking about this and that while he simply listened as the group began crowding in the van. They really were packed in like sardines, Mairu and Kururi pressed tightly against his shoulders, Erika and Walker in a similar situation across from him. The van grew uncomfortably silent as Saburo started up the engine, grumbking to himself. It wasn't his imagination, it seemed like Saburo really didn't like him. He didn't blame him. Roppi wasn't exactly fun to be around. Silence was all he wanted, but now that he got it he wished the others would continue with their cheerful conversations. He wasn't sure what exactly caused the sudden silence, and he didn't want to ask.

"So, uh.." Walker started, jolting Roppi out of his thoughts. "Hows life living with Izaya?"

Everyone in the van seemed to tense up. He couldn't tell if these people liked or hated his brother, which put his response to the question in an awkward position. He didn't exactly feel like bad mouthing his brother, but he didn't really want to sing his praises either.

"Exhausting." he said, Mairu chuckling a little.

"Iza-nii can be kinda exhausting, huh?" she said smiling up at him.

He gave a forced, lopsided grin.

"Aw come on." Erika said leaning towards him a little. "Iza-iza isn't so bad." she gave him a grin and Roppi wasn't sure where to go from here, whether to agree or disagree. He didn't want to examine his relationship with Izaya too deeply, not right now at least.

"Try being related to him!" Mairu said, laughing a bit as Kururi nodded along. "I guess you have a point though. He did take care of us when we were little. We saw him more than our parents!"

Mairu kept laughing, but the others seemed visibly uncomfortable with her statement. Roppi was as well, knowing it was true. He couldn't remember the last time he saw their parents, he doubt they even knew he was hospitalized, or just what he was hospitalized for. He doubt they even cared. That hollow feeling in his chest seemed to deepen, his face dropping a little in sadness. He didn't need these feelings right now.

"Anyway." Kadota said, trying his best to salvage the situation. "We're in your neighborhood, do you want to drive the rest of the way or would the two of you rather walk? Either is fine."

"We'll walk!" the twins said in unison.

Walker pulled the sliding door open, the two girls hopping out cheerfully. They linked arms as they turned back around towards the van. "Thanks for the ride." Mairu said, waving at the group before turning to Roppi. "Lets hang out again soon, okay?"

Roppi nodded. "Sure."

They waved once more before heading down the street to their family home. Roppi was relieved he didn't have to see it. Walker closed the door as Saburo turned the car around, heading nack on to the busy city street. It was perhaps a 10 minute ride back to Shinjuku, and everyone seemed to fall back into that uncomfortable silence, Roppi just wanted this to be over, he didn't like the others sympathetic glances in his direction. The ride was made in total silence. Erika pulled out some manga he didn't care about as Walker read over her shoulder, Saburo cursing once after being cut off by another car. Not even Kadota attempted to break the silence. Roppi simply sat still looking down at his feet. He vaguely wondered if he'd done something wrong, maybe they wanted to stay at Russia Sushi longer, maybe he interrupted their good time, maybe his gloomy attitude soured the mood. There was a list of things he could've done to cause the mood shift. He womdered if he should apologize, bit he wasn't sure what he'd be apologizing for.

They rode on in silence as they entered Shinjuku, making their way to Izaya's apartment building. Erika and Walker continued their reading and Roppi kept his eyes on his feet, trying to remain as still as possible, as if the slightest movement would put all eyes on him. A part of him wanted answers, what he did to cause such a tense atmosphere when just a short while ago everyone seemed to being having the time of their lives, but he was too self conscious to ask, too nervous. Kadota pointed Saburo in the right direction, the van slowly coming to a stop outside the building.

"Here we are." Kadota said turning around in his seat to face Roppi, Walker once again opening the door to let Roppi out.

He stepped out of the vehicle carefully, and before he knew it Kadota stepped out as well. Roppi gave him a curious look and he just scratched the back of his head nervously. "I thought I'd walk you in, if thats alright I mean."

Roppi swallowed nervously. "Uh, sure." he said, his hunched shoulders somehow tensing even more than before.

They walked side by side as they entered the building, the doorman greeting them calmly before going back to his business. They approached the elevator in silence as Roppi glanced up to look at Kadota's face, trying to read his expression but coming up short. They arrived at the elevator quickly, Kadota stopping in front of the large metal doors, clearing his throat to get Roppi's attention.

"So, um." he started. "Tonight was fun, thanks for hanging out with us, Erika and Walker seem to really like you."

Roppi gave him a doubtful look.

"I.." He cleared his throat once more. "I like you too. It was fun."

Roppi felt heat rising in his cheeks. Have people like him was completely foreign to him, he wasn't sure how to react.

"Th-thanks." he said, trying to hide his face with his shaggy hair before he jumped as Kadota's hand landed on his shoulder. That strange warmth manifesting in his chest as his eyes locked with Kadota's.

"We should do this again." he said, a smile on his face.

"Y-yeah.." Roppi stuttered before the elevator doors opened.

"Am I interrupting something?" came that condescending voice Roppi knew all too well.

Kadota's hand recoiled from Roppi's shoulder, stuffing it back into his pocket, a slight tinge of red on his cheeks.

Izaya stepped out coming to stand beside Roppi, a smirk on his face. "Good to see you Dotachin."

"Hi..Izaya." Kadota greeted nervously. "I was just taking Roppi home."

"How gentlemanly." he said sarcastically. "I trust you all had a good time?"

Roppi was shutting down immediately, a scowl resting on his face as his brother spoke. Choosing to remain silent as Kadota answered Izaya's questions.

"Yeah we, uh, we went to Russia Sushi for dinner." Kadota seemed nervous, as for why, Roppi didn't know.

"Sounds delightful, but we should get going. Thanks for looking after Roppi, have a nice night Dotachin." Izaya said, pressing the elevator button amd waving Kadota goodbye. "Come on Roppi."

Roppi grunted in response, give Kadota a lazy wave as he and Izaya entered the elevator together. Kadota waved after him, but remained silent as the elevator doors closed.

Izaya stayed quiet on the ride up, casually checking his phone as if Roppi wasn't even there. At least silence with Izaya was comforting, he didn't have to worry about appearances in Izaya's company, oh no, he could act however he wanted around his brother, which is why his scowl remained in place as the ascended the floors of the building. They arrived at their desired floor in no time, Izaya taking the lead as they left the elevator, walking down the empty hallway to Izaya's door. Izaya opened the door, removing his shoes and shedding his jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack as he entered the apartment, stretching his arms up above his head before plopping himself on the couch. Roppi looked around nervously as he entered.

"Namie went home already." Izaya said, as if he read Roppi's mind.

"I don't like that woman." He said, taking off his shoes and walking into the kitchen, taking down a glass and filling it with water.

"It'd be hard to find someone who does." Izaya said, turing on the tv.

"Like you can talk." Roppi sneered, taking a few sips of water.

"You wound me brother." Izaya said feigning hurt as he changed the channels. "Have you eaten?"

He couldn't lie to Izaya, Izaya was annoying like that, but it didn't mean he couldn't be as vague as possible. "A little."

That seemed good enough for Izaya as he shrugged and focused on some game show that he probably didn't really care about. Roppi looked at his meds on the counter, taking the few he was supposed to take before he slept, washing them down with a couple gulps of water. He reentered the living room as he watched Izaya, expecting to be grilled on his trip out into the real world, but Izaya remained silent. "I'm going to bed." He announced.

"Good idea." Izaya said, eyes not leaving the tv. "You could use more rest."

Roppi wasn't even going to dignify that with an answer, instead choosing to simply travel up the stairs and to his room. The door was still locked, thank god, maybe Izaya hadn't gone through his stuff this time. He unlocked the door and walked inside, taking a moment to survey the room for changes. Nothing looked out of place, clothes littered the floor, but it was like that when he left. The blankets on the bed were a mess, exactly as he left them. the bag of his belong from the hospital sat untouched on the floor, he sighed in relief. He walked over and flopped on the bed. He laid there for a while, not doing anything but thinking back on his day.

"At least the girls were happy to see me." he muttered to himself, turning over onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling, the darkness of the room giving him anxiety, yet he couldn't convince himself to get up and turn on the lights. He thought of Izaya, of the twins, the chaos of his day, and finally, Kadota. He was kind to him, for reasons Roppi didn't fully understand. He thought of the kind smiles, the warmth of his hand on his shoulder, and he felt..ok? It was strange, he didn't feel bad, yet not quite good either. Just. Okay. He wasn't revolted by Kadota's touch, which he assumed was an improvement. 

He groaned, turning over on his side. He didn't like thinking about it. He didn't like thinking about anything. He sat up, taking off his shirt, then his pants, standing up off his bed and retrieving a new pair of boxers and the oversized t-shirt he slept in the day before. He just wanted to sleep. He vaguely thought about showering, but decided it was an issue to deal with for tomorrow. He crawled back into bed, pulling the thick blankets up over his head. He didn't realize just how tired he was, his eyelids heavy as he slowly drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry this update came so late, but i really appreciate any readers out there! i apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes, im trying my best. i also do art and other stuff for this au over on my tumblr! the url is kurgy.tumblr.com for anyone interested in seeing extra content. the next update will come much faster, as well as the second part of this series told from Izaya's pov, so keep an eye out for that if youre interested, i love and appreciate any and all comments, i love hearing what y'all think! thats all for nkw, thanks again for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! this as it says in the tags is an au that focuses a lot on the neglect and trauma the Orihara's have gone through at the hands of their parents disinterest in their children's lives, happiness or wellbeing as well as adding in my own headcanons that revolve around the Orihara family. This fic deals with some heavy themes of abuse, neglect, and death, also bei g inspired by my own personal experiences with depression, mental illness, and institutionalization. If thats not for you I understand. Im always looking for feedback so please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments! chapters will get longer as the fic continues


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